You may have noticed my absence on Facebook, but I needed some time away to grieve the loss of two special little boys in our life. Last weekend we said goodbye to two sweet boys who we had the pleasure to call a part of our family for the last 18 months.70-511-Csharp
We were foster parents and even though we knew there was always a chance these boys would go back to their moms’ home, it was not on anyone’s radar. It was a surprise to us all.
We were also foster to adopt parents! This is different than just fostering – it is fostering with the intent of adopting. I don’t know if this made it more difficult, but, when you intend and are ready to adopt these beautiful little boys, when you can imagine them as teenagers, hanging out with their friends in the backyard pool, at the dinner table with their first girlfriends or on their wedding day…the loss seems overwhelming.
And not just our loss, the loss of future memories for all our family and friends who surrounded these boys with their love from the first day these boys came into our lives. I grieve for us all. I grieve especially for my daughters who, although not at first, they came to love these boys like they were their “real” brothers! They fought like siblings do, they played like siblings do and they loved and protected like siblings do.
I grieve for my husband, who was such an amazing father to them. I grieve the boys loss of not having him for a dad and the best father-figure anyone could hope for.
We loved these boys like they were ours from the first day. The truth is, they were someone else’s kids that we were raising – but that didn’t matter to us. I wonder if it would be easier if I protected my heart just a little? But, if I did, I wouldn’t be doing my job as a parent right. I needed to love those boys, and they needed to feel how powerful our love could be. They needed us to wrap our arms around them daily, and tell them we loved them, tell them how incredibly special they are, tell them how precious their life is and how much we loved watching them grow…and really mean it…(even when they peed on the toilet seat for the 3rd time that day:)
But after grief, comes gratitude. What a special 18 months with them! To save our pain, would we go back in time and never become foster to adopt parents? No, we would do it all again to have the chance to know these beautiful boys. There will always be a place in our hearts for these boys and we hope to have a chance to see them again. We are grateful for the opportunity we had to parent these boys. What a busy, fun, and amazing 18 months it has been. We crossed a few things off the boys bucket list, had many ‘firsts’ with them and enjoyed each day with them to the fullest.
If I could say one thing to their mom – I would wrap my arms around her and thank her for making two perfect people in this imperfect world of ours. She is so lucky to be the one to watch them grow! Lucky, lucky her! And lucky us for having a small piece of that joy for a short time!
I don’t know if we will foster again – I couldn’t imagine loving other kids as much as I love those boys – but I do know there are many kids out there that need loving homes…if you think you could do it, I would be happy to share our experience and be there to cheer you on…who knows where it could lead!70-513-Csharp